&I LOVE WHEN I HEAR YOU SAY: "I WANNA FEEL ALIVE"

I didn't think it'd come to this. This shouldn't be happening. Things shouldn't have turned out like this.

and if it has to happen like this, i don't want it to happen at all.

so, i kinda of, sorta like you :o

ive been iight lately.
im just sick of getting my hopes up for nothing.

but idk i have a feeling everythings going to fall into place soon.

ive been crying a lot again.
i dont think you mean it.
i think you just say it just to say it,
and make me happy.

otherwise, i wasn't home all weekend which made it a good weekend<3

i'm going to start tearing up,
not because i'm thinking about how you used to tell me you love me,
or how my life used to be, i'm pretty content with the way things are now and i don't think it can get much better.
i'm happy, i miss being happy.
and i'm happy now(:

everyone seems to be happy, its like a high off life.

lmfao
<3

GAY
:)<333

i want my septum, tongue &belly button pierced.
than i'm done with piercings, and should be getting tattoos.

i fucking love all time low<3

today i went to ihop,taco bell,white castle,&wendys

YOUR SO STUPID,
DOES IT NOT GO THROUGH YOUR HEAD THAT IF LIKE 6 PEOPLE ARE TELLING YOU THE SAME THING, THEN OBV. SOMETHING'S UP!?
like seriously,

who the fuck trusts someone they've recently met, over someone they've known for numerous years.

we're not telling you to hurt you, we're trying to help you and since you don't seem to care we don't really care that much either anymore.

and sure, you can tell me to open my eyes, but the difference between you and me, i know my reality; MY EYES ARE OPEN. i'm not living in something that i built up in my head.

someone give me plans,
i feel as if i'm wasting my summer doing the same thing everyday.

life's pretty good atm,
so is this weekend so far<3

i finally figured out why you were a part of my life.

i went to the beach today,
and now i look like a lobster -__-
<3

i can't even think of a word to use to describe you. you use girls, and you think no one's going to find out.
you're using her so it looks better you and to get ass, and you know it hurts another girl, you used the other girl for shit, you're appartently inlove with this other girl, and youre trying to get with another girl?!
youre fucking stupid.
and you talk shit about people

and you wonder why no one really wants you at the mall anymore, or even likes you for that matter.

i cant stand people like you, and i want to be there the day it all comes back to you, so i can sit back and laugh.

everything.

ah, today was good<3
i took my math final, which actually wasn't that hard considering i haven't been paying attention in math lately,but lets see what the actually of the exam is.
after the exam, i went uptown and got food, than made my dad drive me, nico and jade to nico's place. haha nico was like making this lady gaga remix thing for ever so now shes been stuck in my head, even though i think shes ugly and only like 2 aonga by her. haha so than chaeli came and than i decided we should play around with the ouija board! i tried making one, but that failed so we printed one out and got like this prayer thing your supposed to say and i guessed it work. at first me ad chaeli were just gonna fuck around with jade to scare her but than nico got off the cup and it actually started moving. it was creepy because dogs can see spirits and it was like staring into space and started growling out of nowhere. appartently the ghosts name was aj and he was 9 years old. oh, before we started this we ordered pizza,so like we start hearing the dogs barking and shit so we look at the door and see a shadow walking outside,like legit feet outside the window. we all saw it so we blow out the candles and say bye to the spirit cause we think its the pizza man, but when nico opens the door noone was there. lmao it was pretty creepy if you were actually there.
so after we get the pizza and jade leaves i ask chaeli if she was the one moving it, cause i know i wasnt and she said swore she wasnt doing it. ahaha
i wanna do it again!
lmao and we called some pissin a golf cub thing and asked if you can shit in it too and the lady hung up. lmfaooo oh well.
this was a good thursday, and this should be a good weekend(;

i can try all i want, but i'm never going to be good enough, for anyone.

"If you can wait till I get home
Then I swear to you
That we can make this last
If you can wait till I get home
Then I swear come tomorrow
This will all be in our past
Well it might be for the best

You know you can't give me what I need
And even though you mean so much to me
I can't wait through everything

Is this really happening?
I swear I'll never be happy again
And don't you dare say we can just be friends
I'm not some boy that you can sway
We knew it'd happen eventually"

im gonna explode.
i hope i explode.
i want all of this to end.
i dont want to do this anymore,
i cant fucking handle it.
i want to get out of here, i want to leave
i want out.

my lower back hurts rlly bad.

i swear if i have that fucking dream again tonight, im gonna go crazy. i woke up @ 4:20 crying. for the past two nights ive been having this dream someones coming to kidnap me, its weird its like 40 yr old dude and he was waiting outside my house at 3am til like all day and than at the park and at the mall. and like i had a flashback in the dream that he came to get me when i was little but got caught and he said "ill come back" like it scared the shit out of me to the point where i asked my dad if someone tried to kidnap me when i was littler.
i had another dream i was in woodridge and like all the houses were big and scary and haunted and i texted eric and he didnt answer.

i dont like this dreams, its like im trapped inside my own head.

im crazyyyyy, idk.